13...

So working 13 days straight is finally starting to take its toll on me...I look so foward to putting my head on my soft pillows and falling asleep each night! But I won't let a little work get in my way....Im still going happy and strong despite all the work and todays heat wave (did I mention its 36 degrees and we have no aircon at work?!) The aircon man should be here to fix this little problem soon.....

I am working so much so that I can pay off my debts (mostly my credit card) as its about time I looked at my finances and got my priorities right. This means giving up buying my $300 sass and bide jeans, going shopping for clothes every week, false nails and eating out so much!

But, I will NEVER give up going to the movies, starbucks strawberry and cream skim frappachinos, bottled water and chinese food. Some of my favourite treats. Oh and chocolate as well!
I think I have just over $1000 left on my credit card left to pay...then I am virtually debt free (besides from my college fee which comes out of my pay like hex debt each week)

I'm thinking I really need to start promoting my beauty therapy a bit more. I have wax pots sitting alone in my room all day. Every now and then I have one of my friends over for a treatment-mostly waxing. However, don't get me wrong-I don't want to start my own business, its to much hard work and too much commitment. God I hate that word commitment....I think I might be a bit of a phobe. I can't stay commited to anything for too long or I start getting bored! This does include relationships as well! (well in the past, not this current relationship!)

I don't think I would like to date myself or someone like me.....if my bf at the time and I are having a boredom patch (like many couples go through) I delibratly start fights just to spice things up! I actually think I enjoy making people uncomfortable and the adreline of a fight?! This ranges from questioning them about sensitive subjects to pushing all their buttons just to get a reaction!!!! I definatly think I am a mean mean girlfriend. But people can be so trusting sometimes.....they tell people things that can easily be used against them later down the track. One bf I had told me things about him that not even his best friends knew....after just a week of being together. I know a relationship is about trust but I think people need to earn their trust...its shouldnt just be given away freely. I know for certain there are plenty of things that no one knows about me...including Ross. It will take a lot more time than 6 months (how long we have been dating) for me to really let him in. We still have not said the words "i love you" to each other because we are not ready. I think I would near kick him in the balls if he said it to me anytime before a year. How the heck can you "love" someone you hardly know. Time spent together doesn't mean you know them well. I beleive it takes experiences, hardship as well as time to feel that way. Anyways this is just the confessions of a over tired and moody me.

I don't pity myself for never feeling true 'love' towards anyone. I have thought I loved several, but I have never actually 'been in love' with them-big difference. I look foward to saying those words and actually meaning it, as apposed to the past me who used to just say it back because I felt sorry for the poor guys (but hey, who doesnt love me?! Did I mention I am also an extremly generous gf?!!) ha ha ha.

I think the heat is sending me loopy.